Valkyrie
by SleevedWhiteSnow
Summary: She may not be his guardian angel, but she's definitely his valkyrie.


**AN: A re-upload from my other account which I no longer use. Sorry to those of you who've read & reviewed this before.**

* * *

.

.

A Valkyrie. That's his first impression of her. One of those elegant female warriors of Norse myth, the spirits who sliced demons and carried the souls of their chosen mortals across to the next world. It's a pretty accurate notion for her really. Rukia Kuchiki. His "chooser," his visitant, his carrier. She may not be his guardian angel, but she's definitely his Valkyrie.

It is upon their meeting that for the first time Ichigo takes pride in seeing ghosts, that troublesome ability he's had since before he could walk... Some would call him crazy for it, others would call him gifted. He calls it fate. It was fate that she exquisitely stumbled into his room that night.

It was fate that brought them together.

.

.

They're connected, Rukia and he – not in just the sense of perceiving the spiritual pressure of those around him. He can detect when his friends are in danger, or when they have an abundance of spirit energy. But when it comes to her it is different. It is as though their souls have been forever entwined. He can… feel her. If he concentrates really hard he is able to see the physical manifestation of his spirit ribbon. And when he takes hold of it and tugs hard enough on its perpetual rope, it is like he is pulling her being towards him.

The spirit ribbons of shinigami are red. Sometimes he can't help but think about that old Chinese folk tale where the gods tie an invisible red cord around the ankles of destined lovers. The Red String of Fate or whatever… It's just a silly story, he would tell himself – their spirit ribbon is red and unbreakable like the one in the story, is all. That reassurance doesn't prevent the fluttering in his chest, though.

.

.

Being a shinigami isn't easy. And although he wields the sword, she's really the one doing the fighting. Along with the usual advice ("stay in its blind spot," "quit being so damn reckless!"), her encouragement, her valiance, everything – it flows into him. It's the power she'd transferred to him. And it isn't. It's… complicated. But there's definitely something more. And it's not just during battle.

When Karakura Town isn't bustling with hollows and they manage to steal a secluded hour or so, just the two of them, he notices it more clearly. She has this way about her – when she catches his gaze she doesn't just look at him. She looks _through_ him, into his very soul. He doesn't have to say a word. One look is all it takes and she knows. She gets it.

.

.

He sometimes wonders if she gets him even more than he does.

She's broken right through the six-year barricade he'd constructed after the death of his mother – now it's gone. Shattered. Kaput. And he doesn't even know how she did it.

He's furious, though. He's angry at himself, angry at the world… even angry at Rukia. But as they are running to save Karin and Yuzu from that hollow back at the cemetery, she doesn't throw back the fury he deserves. She just smiles at him and finishes his thought… _When you're ready to tell me, when you think it's okay to talk… "I'll be there to listen."_

Ichigo realizes he has a whole lot more learning to do. And not just about hollows.

.

.

There are battles for protecting lives, and there are battles for protecting honor. This fight is the latter. He has to protect his mother's honor, and he must do so alone.

He tells her to stay out of it even if it kills him. She screams at him from the side lines, begs him with everything to let her help until she is on the verge of tears, and more than once he fears she will intervene.

But she doesn't. Not even when that damn monster is about to rip his body to shreds.

.

.

The hollow gets away. Then somewhere between his own yelling and the heavy rain, his name mingles in and he finds her standing directly in front of him. She grasps his shoulders tightly, holding him, soothing him, telling him over and over that it's okay.

It's not. He wasn't strong enough. He'd let his mother's _murderer_ escape. Though somehow, despite it all, when Rukia's face enters his shifting vision he knows it _will_ be okay. So he allows himself to fall into her embrace – into the arms of his Valkyrie.

.

.

They just don't understand it (not that he expects them to). In honesty, he doesn't think he understands it himself. That's why his answer is always the same; a shrug and an eye roll followed by that uncharacteristic new expression on his face which they all keep asking about.

Something's changed in him – something big – and for the life of them his classmates just can't figure him out… They know it's _her_ doing though. Oh it's definitely her doing.

Somehow Rukia Kuchiki has achieved something everyone else failed at. She has made Ichigo Kurosaki smile.

.

.

If two people of opposite genders spend _that_ much time together, they must be boyfriend and girlfriend. So all of Karakura High believes, and Ichigo and Rukia are the latest "couple" supporting that theory. Ichigo admits to a bit of selfish pleasure in such speculation – it's what he wants with Rukia after all. Though definitely not in this sweet, goodie-two-shoes act she always puts on when they're at school. No, she would show her usual cool demeanour, and he would get lost in the depths of her beautiful purple eyes as they talked…

He supposes he should really listen to what she's saying about that quincy right now though – he has plenty of time to get lost in fantasies later.

.

.

It is raining.

Cold droplets are beginning to spurt from the sky, pools of red are leaking from his sides and his world inside is pouring down. But it isn't his own rain he is thinking of. He is thinking of the rain that rolls down her cheeks as she turns to say goodbye to him.

Her words are harsh but her eyes speak differently. She is crying. _Crying._ Because of _him_. All he can think as she follows Byakuya through the senkaimon is how he never wants to make her cry like that ever again.

.

.

Urahara has offered to train him. He accepts in a heartbeat. The training will be hard – it may even kill him. Not that that's news to him though.

"How far are you willing to go to save her?"

 _I'd die for her._ The words almost make it – they've been the only thought circling his mind for the past week after all. Only his lips are cracked, his throat is dry, and he doesn't have the strength left to answer. Yet still, miraculously, he is able to get to his feet again.

Urahara grins, lifting his zanpakuto as Ichigo's makes contact.

.

.

Rukia Kuchiki is something else.

At being rescued from execution from a flaming halberd with destructive power equivalent to that of a million zanpakuto, any ordinary woman would be clinging to her rescuer, crying her eyes out while gushing thanks and praise.

Rukia is scolding him.

Alright, he's just committed an insane crime no mortal has ever braved and they could both be killed in the next few minutes. Yeah yeah, he did all this after she told him to stay safe, to not come after her, and that she would never forgive him if he did…

But no, not a single cost outweighs saving her, so he's not sorry in the slightest.

He ignores her protests and orders her to act like a proper rescuee. He tells her to shut up and sit back safely while he deals with the captain blocking their path, and he tells himself that dead or alive, he's not leaving here without her.

It's only when he risks one final glance at her face – in the small chance it might be the last time he ever does – that he gets a hint of how concerned he's been. Through her dark, watery eyes he catches the soft apology for worrying him and her gratefulness that he came.

He wants to cast out every logical thought, pull her to his chest and hug the life out of her.

Instead, his hand grips the handle of his zanpakuto.

.

.

They've won the fight against Aizen – well, if living is counted as winning. He doesn't feel the jubilation he thought he would, just… contentment. He's thankful when Soul Society commends him for his help, an elation that vanishes instantly when she opens her mouth at sunset on the eve of his departure.

"I've decided to stay in Soul Society."

He swallows back his initial reaction at her words. Looking at her now, his mind overflows with more reasons than he can count as to why he wanted to save her so badly in the first place. But still, there's that selfish desire for her to come back with him, a craving so desperate that he has to bite the inside of his cheek to stop the words spilling from his mouth.

Pushing down the flutter in his chest, he offers her a warm smile and encourages her to do what her heart is telling her. Then he turns away, afraid that she will look into his eyes and see everything. His own heart suddenly feels a whole lot heavier.

.

.

Things just aren't the same without Rukia. The earth rotates in orbit, the sun sets in the west, and every so often he is called to slay a hollow. But sometimes Ichigo wonders if he can keep up with the speed of the world without her.

His friends continually urge him to join them, and he takes up their offer every now and then. Though even when they're together he can't help but feel something's missing. That each time they gather there is this vacant spot next to him – a barren vacuity that follows him everywhere.

He almost finds himself wishing some undeparted soul would come back to haunt him like times past. He doubts that would fill the emptiness though. He doesn't think anything can.

.

.

Useless. Completely and utterly useless.

They got Orihime. And Chad. He couldn't protect them. He's just so… useless. He can't even fight the demon inside him – he can't even defend _himself._ Useless. Useless. Use–

"SHUT UP!"

His hollow only laughs harder. Then when it's finished cackling, it resumes its taunts. Ichigo throws a trembling arm over his face, blocking out the daylight, blocking out the world. But he can't block out the beast inside, nor his empty shadow.

.

.

What did he expect? A heartfelt reunion? With anyone else maybe, but not with his Valkyrie. Not that he's into that sort of mushy, tearful crap anyway, but still, he finds himself a little surprised when she pulls him out of the classroom by the hair and shoves him in front of a hollow. She's been back for all of fifteen minutes and already she knows. About his defeat. About his inner hollow. About _everything._

She's yelling at him, chastising him, and he's feeling better than he's felt in weeks. He's shaken at how easily he is able to find his resolve with her there. He's not sure he would have been able to if she wasn't… No, he is lying to himself – he wouldn't have found it without her. When did he become so dependant? So… weak?

But as she is dragging him back down the corridor to apologize to Orihime, he can practically feel her strength, and he allows himself a smile. Who cares, really? When it comes to Rukia Kuchiki, he's always been weak. That's one of the reasons he admires her so damn much.

.

.

They're at home again. His home, but she calls it her home too – she says there's no other place for her in the living world. He's slightly guttered that she won't be sleeping in his closet anymore though.

She rambles on about all the improvements she'd prepared for that dirty little closet of his and how she's missing out on-

Wait a second… Did she just call his closet _dirty?_

.

.

It isn't lust. Lust is a wanting to satisfy one's own selfish desires. He's acknowledged his feelings are stronger than that of friendship. But they're definitely not of lust.

And while lust is a small part of it – like when she gets so lost in her Chappy the Rabbit doodles that she drools during class or when she asks him the sort of questions one could easily imagine to have a dirty meaning (such as which hole to poke the straw into when opening a milkshake) – his mind can't help but wander the boundaries a little. Though much more frequent are dreams of innocence.

He'd dream about resting his head on her lap while she reads, and going on long evening walks along the beach where there are no hollows or monstrosities to disturb their peace. He'd just… be with her.

It isn't lust, not by any stretch of the imagination.

.

.

Sometimes, Ichigo wonders if he'll ever get used to all the shenanigans the universe manages to conjure up.

So a group of prodigal shinigami have just arrived from Soul Society, and now there is a horde of arrancar scrambling out of a hole in the sky to fight them. It's scary getting your ass whipped by a monster who refers to himself as the 6th espada – a top class arrancar that can hold his own even against two Gotei 13 captains. But seeing Rukia enter the scene in a heroic rescue attempt is downright terrifying. Especially when she tells _Ichigo_ to run. He can barely breathe, let alone move. This guy would rip her apart in seconds.

Ichigo can't help but think that taking Rukia down would be a more effective way of defeating him – it would certainly cause him more pain than anything else. And his heart almost stops when Grimmjow asks who the stronger one is.

Ichigo is about to scream his ragged lungs out that it is him before Grimmjow's sword is thrust into Rukia's chest and his feet are once again carrying him towards the espada.

.

.

That admirable will of hers that he loves more than anything… sometimes it frustrates him to no end.

 _Hell no._

There's no way they're splitting up to fight the arrancar alone. There's no way he's letting her do it. And he tells her so with more bitterness than he intends, but her idea is just out of the question. He's not going to let her go off by herself, especially not after what happened last time.

"It's insulting to a soldier when you worry about protecting them on the battlefield."

Renji's words bring a flood of uneasiness to Ichigo's stomach. Does it make him selfish to regard her safety above her honor? Does it make him weak that he can't do for her what she did for him back when he avenged his mother? She's always been the stronger one. He now realizes she's the more selfless one too. When it comes to the thought of losing Rukia, he's just too selfish. When it comes to her life, he doesn't give a damn about her pride.

"You only said that because you're worried about me," she says. "This isn't like you."

She's right – it isn't like him. Not on the outside.

Inside, it's another story entirely.

.

.

As he slices his way through Ulquiorra's defences, he isn't thinking about the pain of his wounds, or his hollow consuming him – not even of killing the espada. Her voice is all he hears. Her face is all he sees. He has to finish this quickly so he can save her. That's why he'd entered this fight in the first place.

He doesn't realize his thoughts slipping through his lips until the taunts return. Between blows Ulquiorra provokes him. He jeers about how self-sacrificing and naïve she is, and how that stupidity of hers led her here. How Aizen's going to make great use of her, how her true potential will be fully utilized in Hueco Mundo, not wasted in the world of the living.

It is then that Ichigo realizes Orihime isn't the one he is thinking about. It shocks him. He came here to rescue her – they all did. He came here to save _Orihime._

But it is the face of a beautiful raven-haired shinigami that dances across his mind.

.

.

Rukia. Rukia. Rukia-

"RUKIA!"

His voice comes out as a guttural holler. As he tears through the air, he faintly registers that he is playing right into Yammy's hands – he's just butchered Ulquiorra after all… But he'll make his presence known to an entire universe of enemies if it means getting to Rukia on time.

Miraculously, fate is on his side once more. He catches her and flashsteps to the ground, and again he is reminded of just how small and fragile she feels in his arms. He has to physically fight to stop his treacherous limbs snaking around her until they are so tightly pressed against each other that he can feel every inch of her skin. And when she gasps his name in her weak but relieved voice, he almost doesn't.

He's going to crush Yammy for what he's done. Then he's going to take Rukia and the others home, and vow to never let this happen ever again.

He surrenders himself to the mask.

.

.

"ICHIGO!"

He hears her voice with his own ears and sees her with his own eyes, not the hollow's. Byakuya and Kenpachi are here. It's done.

"Ichigo!"

She's running towards him and he's hit with the urge to turn around and kiss her breathless, right there in the dunes of Hueco Mundo. But they still have to beat Aizen. They still have to win the war. And he has to protect Karakura Town… Ironically, it's him who's leaving this time.

"I'll be back."

.

.

He's losing his powers. Everything's… fading. They both know it won't be much longer and he won't be able to see her anymore. Still, he can't ignore that hollow lurking around.

Luckily, as always, she's there. When she pulls him to safety and holds him on that rooftop, he almost allows himself to break down in her arms. Instead, he offers her a weak apology for being a burden, and it surprises him when anger flashes across her eyes.

She tells him he's not a burden. She tells him she'll support him no matter what, that she'll fight in his place, and that she'll bear his pain – well, yells it at him really. And then she _does_ fight in his place, drawing her zanpakuto against the hollow. He wants to kiss her so badly, his hands tremble.

It's times like these when he can almost admit how much he loves her.

.

.

She is smiling – or at least, a smile is what everyone else sees. But her eyes hold a sadness, a craving, a longing that can't be satisfied. Her eyes betray what her smile so gallantly tries to hide, and Ichigo doesn't have to look far to see it. How she is watching him. How she has _always_ watched him...

Admiringly. Vigilantly.

 _Lovingly._

It passes between them, that silent, secret message. And he almost acts on it. Almost… But their time is up. She is fading.

He doesn't regret it though – this isn't really goodbye. In his heart he knows it. They both do. Some would say he's optimistic, others would say he's crazy. He says it's fate. It was fate that brought them together, it's fate that will bring her back to him.

She is his Valkyrie after all.

She'll always be his Valkyrie.


End file.
